One of the hardest things for me to hear was you are a great woman but your standards are too low and you get used by people because of your low standards.
That literally felt like hands choking my neck.
First I felt offended, then crushed as we softy nice girls often do.
Then I stopped and thought about the statement and over the next several months I analyzed the situations in which I felt like I was used or treated horribly and realized I yes I had a hand in creating those situations by allowing others who perhaps did not deserve it to take advantage of me.
The thing about being a genuine giver is our apparent HUMILITY is often not humility at all it is in fact PRIDE.
Let me explain …. I took on a superhero save everyone, help everyone, I’m never in need, I can do it all and suffer in silence for the good of others feel about myself. Now helping and serving are indeed great qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman but never saying no, taking no regard at all for your own needs ever, always placing others needs ahead of your own when they could very easily help themselves is very unhealthy and actually is PRIDEFUL NOT HUMBLE
This behavior is very dangerous because what happened to me and to many other apparently but not really superhuman people is I became completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and used…. And I had a hand in my own demise and depression.
Here are some things that helped me:
• Ask for help
• Say no some or a lot of times, they will find a way if you can’t trust me
• Question something that seems a tad off to you without fear of judgement
• Dismiss people from your life who are only taking from you and give them No explanation at all
• Do not let previous life suckers make you feel guilty, like a bad person, or not a Christian for now cutting them off
• Set realistic expectations of others; most people will not bend over backwards for you so don’t expect them to. As a giver you are unique. Don’t expect everyone to give the shirt of their back like you would
You have to take care of yourself first in order to be any good to care for others.
Don’t get weary in your giving and serving but you do not have to go it alone.
Your own wellness, peace, and sanity should be your first priority before caring for others.
Keep learning the balance